Week 7 - CAN I JUST TALK ABOUT THE COLTS??!?!?!

Okay, seriously.

Week 7 oh my precious baby.

I thought about many titles for this week. Such a "Zen in the Art of Fantasy Football", or "Week 7, eh." or "The week I lost to the bottom ranking team in the league" however none of these things turned out to be true.

Because THE COLTS ARE AMAZING.

So, I started the week off in a pretty "eh, football" kind of mood. I didn't have anyone playing Thursday night. I worked in the colt outside Friday and in the rain on Saturday and so when Sunday came around I was just not into anything. Because the weather sucked all weekend until Sunday I spent all day catching up on the work I couldn't do in the rain. 

Now the big news a work is that B-Rad, my bro and FF coach broke his foot this week. So he worked inside at the desk (watching and updating me about the games).

My defense was freaking heartbreaking. Cincinatti, who has been awesome for me, typically scores between 7-16 points for me, scored 2. 2 points and they still won against Detroit (sorry friends!)

My wide receivers under preformed and running back under preformed and I was worried. I had 3 players playing Sunday night while Mr. Anderson had 2 playing Monday night.

Then it was like the heavens opened up, and the Colts played an amazing game!  If you haven't heard (and if you haven't heard you are not a football fan, and that's okay!) but they beat The Broncos.

You might be thinking okay, one team about horses beat another team about horse and historically I would have agreed with you. However the Broncos Quarterback is Peyton Manning, who used to be the Colts quarterback.

I made a post earlier this year about Peyton Manning being the Harry Potter of the football world. He is a pretty big deal and the Colts let him go a few years ago. The Colts letting Manning go is this big deal in Indiana. He had neck surgery and had to sit out all of the 2011 season. In reality the Colts were gonna have to pay something close to 90 Million dollars to keep Manning on the team for the next 5 years. Yeah that's a lot of money and at the time he was still recovering. So the logical decision was to let Peyton Manning go. So Indiana loses there shit, might I add.

So this game on Sunday was a pretty big deal because the Colts took it as a moment to welcome him back and thank him for all the years he was the QB.

Also EVERYONE thought the Colts were going to lose. B-Rad asked if I wanted to make a bet on the game (being poor I don't play for money). I told him I thought that the colts would lose but it would be less then a 10 point difference. 

Big freaking surprise, they WON! and Andrew Luck got me a WHOOPING 34 points! 

However, Reggie Wayne tore his ACL reaching for a wonky throw by Luck and now he is out the rest of the season. I feel for Wayne because I tore my PCL playing Roller Derby and that shit sucks!

So I had like a 7 point lead going into Monday night's game, Mr. Anderson had 2 players left, I had resigned myself to losing. HOWEVER, his two players only made like 5 points and I won! (Sorry Mr. Anderson!)

(for those of you who don't know, the angry looking guy is Wes Welker, the other guy is Andrew Luck, forgive the horrible facial hair)

Now I am even more excited for December 15th, when the Boyfriend and I are going to see the Colts.

And we are ready! (god damn, why does he look adorable in all the pictures and I look...well, ridiculous.) 

Week 6 - no I didn't beat Peyton Manning

DISAPPOINTING!

During week six, I thought for about 2 quarters of a game (for those of you who don't know a game has 4 quarters, ya know, 4 quarters make a dollar) that I (my fantasy team) was going to be Peyton Manning.

However such a situation did not occur. Instead, a situation involving rage and disappointment occurred.

Thursday night I actually got to watch football with the Boyfriend. As you most likely don't know, I am job hunting. I have a Master's degree and I work at a golf course. Times have not been easy on me this year. However, the greatest thing that has happened to me this year (OTHER THEN BECOMING AN AUNT- because that shit is amazing) was finding the most amazing boyfriend. We were coworkers while I was in Indiana, and then when I moved back to Michigan we started talking on the reg. Then after like 4 months of being really close and intimate friends we decided to date. However now he lives in North Chicagoland and I live in the D (that mean Detroit, not dicks). I got a call for a job interview in his area and got to make an impromptu trip to see him. Watching football with him is just fun and ridiculous, he like to hug and shake and be loud.

Thursday night I didn't have anyone playing but I did make a big decision after the game, I dropped Montee Ball, the disapointting rookie I played in the first week and never again, and picked up Brandon Jacobs, a running back for the New York Giants. He scored over 25 points but since I picked him up after the game I couldn't play him (and as I write this blog post he is currently questionable with a pulled Hamstring and might not play in week 8 - so sucks to be me)

So Sunday rolls around and I am feeling happy with my line up and I start to second guess myself. I take Giovanni Bernard off my starting line up (MISTAKE) start T.Y. Hilton in my flex spot (because he seems to do well every other week, so I was hoping for good things this week). B-Rad recommends playing Steve Smith, but I don't.

Everyone under preforms, EXCEPT Josh Gordon.
But Luck - 7 points
Ray Rice - 6.4 points
Jason Witten - 4 points

Just bad news all around.

But Monday night the colts were playing and I needed 3 players to score a combined 25 points and I would have won.

BUT THE COLTS LOST to the Chargers. Have you seen their logo, its dumber then the Colts logo!

Most embarrassing thing might be, I went and bought a colts shirt to wear. (The Boyfriend wanted me to borrow his Jersey and I forgot) I bought a shit to wear to the bar, I put blue eye shadow on, and they lose. LUCK HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME.

THREE PEOPLE, 25 POINTS!!!! THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN EASY! Andrew Luck normally puts up close to 20! Wayne got 10 points up, but freaking T.Y. Hilton. You let me down again!!!

WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU!?!?!?!

This is the face of an Angry lady in the bathroom of a bar taking a selfie in ANGER.

Personal fouls - but actually personal ones

Okay, a few weeks ago at the bar Bitter Amanda and I were talking about how fouls should relate in real life. Thus came the birth of Fouls of Dating.

(note, unlike football fouls there are no difference between offensive and defensive fouls)

(also I made these up, IN NO WAY ARE THESE ACTUALLY FOOTBALL FOULS AND THEY DON'T ALL MAKE SENSE IN RELATION TO THE GAME- there I said it)

Now these fouls would be called the same way.

"Flag on the play, (insert foul) on the Offensive (you) or Defensive (other person) side,"

For example:
Person 1: How did the date go?
Person 2: There was a flag on the play. Holding on the Defensive side.
Person 1: That's why you shouldn't give out your cell phone number


LIST OF FOULS

Encroachment - hitting on someone who is already taken.

Pass Interference - when the person you are hitting on prefers your wing-person

Holding - Clingy/overly attached/calls a lot

Face Mask - Someone who goes in for the kiss too soon!

False Start - Thinking the relationship has started before it actually has.

Horse Collar - When someone touches a lot. Arm over the shoulder, arm around the waist
-this is different from holding because a Horse Collar foul has to be physical

Delay of Game - Where a person is seemingly stalling or dragging their feet on a relationship

Offsides - hitting on a neutral or disinterested party

Roughing the passer - Hitting on someone just for the attention or a free drink

Roughing the Kicker - Drunk Dialing an ex.

Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Hitting on someone who is already taken and the offending party KNOWS it

Also here are more hand signals

Week 5: So I bought some colts tickets.

I think it is safe to say that I have learned a lot about football in the past few weeks.
While I haven't learned a lot content wise, I like to be a part of cheering! I also like to study how people interact and talk to each other (hence the Masters degree in Interpersonal communication) Football just provides so much interesting information about people. Why they like who they like, why they dislike who they dislike. Tom Brady? Good or bad?

It's also SUPER interesting listening to people get upset when I tell them I am a Colts fan and not a Lions fan. (However, I AM a Lions Fan, I mean, hometown pride and all.)

I also like to spoil my boyfriend. So December 15th (his birthday and 5 days after mine) we are going to see the Colts. I don't know if I can express how strange it is to say that I bought Colts tickets. I remember in the past I would want to shoot myself in the face if anyone made me watch the Colts (or football in general.) I think I used to be too worried about my reputation as a woman and an academic. I grew up with the idea that football was for people who couldn't read, and weren't educated. Where that idea came from, I have no idea. But now things are very different. I really have Fantasy to thank for that.

also, something that was very different about this week, I WON BY A LANDSLIDE! BY 53 POINTS!!!!

I struggled with starting Ray Rice because he was coming off an injury - BAM 23 points

My kicker Justin Tucker - 18 points! I didn't know kickers could do that!

Jason Witten - 23 points also.

Also my Defense is STELLAR!!! 15 points this week and I didn't lose any of them like in week 3.

I think that down side was I didn't play T.Y. Hilton and he scored 30 points.

Now T.Y. Hilton has been a puzzle to me all season. The weeks I start him, he does nothing. The weeks I don't start him, he is a freaking rock star. He is all kinds of inconsistent in my books (or maybe I am just bitter)

Once again the other teams QB played below their predicted points, Kaepernick score 12 of his 19 predicted points. (I am hoping this doesn't happen to Andrew Luck soon).

Week Four: I've got the eye of the tiger!!!!!

Damn that Katy Perry song. It's been in my head for ages and it also allowing my to gloat unnecessarily. Because week 4 was a win, but just barely.

Week three I complained about losing by under a point, oh how the tides had turned!

Week 4 I won by .22 of a point.

Really there are two men I can dedicate this win too, the first is Sproles, or as I call him, Darren. He rocked and scored almost 30 points in my league!!
One thing I enjoy about working at a golf course is that the TV is always on sports. So I get to watch football and work. I started out in the lead, then lost it Sunday night. I was okay with losing. I went out and I really accepted that I lost. I accepted that loss with grace too! I thought, hey something amazing needs to happen, since I only had one person playing Monday night. It was Darren, and Darren, you delivered.

The second man I have to thank for this victory is Eli Manning. Bro, what's wrong. You only put up 9 points, they predicted 17! You lost 31 to 7! I am worried about Eli. I mean, don't get me wrong, thanks for not doing better but seriously, you need to do better.

I then sang this song for like 3 days in a row.

How to talk football - Part 1

Last Monday as I my heart broke from Fantasy Football, I sat in the bar with my friends and boyfriend watching the game.

Monday nights are a special night for my social group because traditionally its has been dollar beer night. Since our regular bar became condemned, we have become Monday Night Nomadic Travelers, seeking out dive bars, looking for cheap beer and of course, football.

well about half of us are looking for football. My friend Bitter Amanda (and fellow blogger) isn't really a football fan. However I want her to join the women's league I am planning on forming next season. So any pointless football knowledge I find online (football fashion) I send to her. She adds her own things too

However last Monday. We came up with the very very best question for someone who isn't into football to ask during a game, and that question is "Is there a flag on the play?"

It works in almost all situations.

Situation one:
Everyone watching football around you cheers! Something good happens! You respond with a tentative "is there a flag on the play?" If there isn't - that's good news! How smart of you to check! If there is - hope its for the other team, but if not, at least you were smart enough to check before getting too excited.

Situation two:
Everyone watching football gets upset. Something bad has happened! You respond with an upset "is there a flag on the play?" If there isn't - that's upsetting, you were just being hopeful. If there is - good for you for being so perceptive, that other team must have done something wrong while upsetting your friends/family.

Situation three:
The people you are around just happen to have the game on TV. But no one is really giving it 100% attention. You offhandedly ask "Was there a flag on the play?" If there is - it doesn't really matter. If there isn't - Once again it doesn't really matter.

After awhile, you can up the details to your question.

For example "Was there a flag on the play? I bet it was a personal foul" Don't know what a personal foul is? That's okay. Neither do I, but I still ask.

Was there a flag on the play?
Yes
Is that a personal foul?
Yes, yes it is Tom Brady

Week Three: Just a bit too busy for football..

This week for Fantasy Football was a bit hectic.
Thursday night was my friend's bachlorette party. We got crazy in Detroit and got to watch very little of the game as we were bar hopping.
Friday was the rehearsal and dinner.
Saturday was the Wedding. It was beautiful. My handsome boyfriend was in town to enjoy it with me. We danced, the wedding was lovely and my friend Tricia was stunningly beautiful.
Sunday my boyfriend and I got to snuggle and watch football together. Something we never get to do since we rarely get to spend weekends together.

Then MONDAY I GOT ROBBED!!

I actually feel like Tyra Banks right now.

BE QUIET, FANTASY FOOTBALL! BE QUIET! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? STOP IT. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM LIKE THIS!!! WHEN MY MOTHER YELLS LIKE THIS IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME! I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU! WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOUR! HOW DARE YOU? LEARN SOMETHING FROM THIS!

I lost. AGAIN but this time by .04 of a point. .04!!!!!

Final scores were 98.26 to 98.30. Yahoo later adjusted my score down (for some reason I haven't figured out yet) to 97.58

I lost by 4 yards. FOUR FREAKING YARDS.

Then my Defense had some CRAZY SHIT happen to it.

So my defense is Cincinnati. They scored 18 points, then I looked back and they had 12 points. Mr. Anderson explained to me that the Cincinnati defense intercepted the ball. Then fumbled, recovered and then scored a touch down. The NFL and Yahoo were determining how those points would be rewarded. I guess after Cincinnati fumbled and then recovered it was no longer considered the defense playing but the offense?

I also made the mistake of not playing Josh Gordon. I picked him up early but he was still suspended for the first two games of the season. (he had codine in his system after a drug test). Instead I played Steve Smith and Reggie Wayne (who collectively scored just under 14 points). T.Y. Hilton scored a whopping 2.3 points.

I guess the colts are changing their offensive strategy from a passing to a running game. I don't actually know what that means but its messing with my points and I want it to stop!!!!

Week two: This week is so much like my first boyfriend

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

This was a disappointing week for the Night Terrors. We lost. Big time. By almost 50 points.

Jason Witten who was amazing last week only delivered 2.7 points. Reggie Wayne? 7.5 points.

Ray Rice has a hip injury and he is my top running back. He only scored 4 points!

Martellus Bennet was the only saving grace of this week with 23 points.

The very worst was that the QB I played this week was Michael Vick. Shit head, dog fighting Michael Vick. He scored 37.22 points against Andrew Luck who only scored 20.64 points. I got knocked into the 11th position on my league because of that.

I really felt that this week was like my first boyfriend.

You have a small crush on a guy with some nice hair, and low and behold he asks you out (drafting). It's all exciting! It's fresh and new. YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND (Fantasy Football team)! You flaunt it to your friends (winning team). You tell everyone about them (players and your win). Then suddenly, you realize you don't really like that guy (football), you just the idea of having a boyfriend (or team). You don't really see eye-to-eye on some things (who starts and who doesn't) and some of their behavior is embarrassing (how they play).

When you are young and you fall out of like with a guy you break up with them.
When you are playing fantasy football and you fall out of like with your team, that is what they call fantasy football.

Mr. Anderson told me, if I was getting pissed off I was doing fantasy football right.

I guess I am doing it right this week.

RECAP
NIGHT TERRORS ARE NOW 1-1
lost 86.44 to 136.42